Disciplining toddlers can be tricky but it is doable says experts. Settings rules, being consistent & not going overboard with limits is the key.  It’s a tender age where we have to define what’s acceptable and not acceptable to them along with giving them space to grow & build their personalities. Strong willed toddlers is a difficult set to handle but its important not to crush their will power as this will get them success & happiness in future. Positive parenting has to be a mix of restrains & freedom. It does get difficult sometimes & we lose control over situations as emotions takes control but it’s important to regain control.

Several mothers of toddlers struggle on a daily basis disciplining their child, getting them to behave best, obey them & instill values in them. Maple Bear South Asia in a recent FB chat in association with ProEves clarified & answered queries of such mothers. We bring here excerpts from the chat for parent who missed the session.

Shalini Jaiswal, Director, Maple Bear South Asia was representing the Maple Bear.

Parent – My in-laws are spoiling my child and they don’t even let me build discipline in her routine. How do I ensure some rules?

Shalini – My suggestion would be to find a way to work together as a family and work with some basic ground rules that work out best for your child.

Parent – Too many rules for my child, can that backfire?

Shalini – Choose your battles and work with the most appropriate rules for that age and reinforce these instead of inundating your child with too many rules.

Parent – Is there any secret of raising well behaved children?

Shalini – Modelling rather than preaching, positive reinforcements and consistency in your approach towards your child can be a great asset and will definitely yield the best results.

Parent- How do I stop my toddler from hitting others? We keep getting so many complaints from others where he goes to play.

Shalini – Recognise the child’s emotion by telling the child that you understand that he/she is angry and they can come to you for support. Then in a firm voice and while maintaining eye contact, tell the child that ‘we keep our hands to ourselves as it hurts when we hit.’

Parent – How can I be a YES mother & still discipline my child?

Shalini- It should not be about giving in all demands of your child but drawing reasonable boundaries between what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and being consistent in your approach.

Parent – How do I make my child listen to me without shouting or losing my temper?

Shalini – Maintaining a soft tone and articulating what you have to say as a positive statement instead of starting with a ‘No’ works and should help you see the desired behavioural outcomes in your child.

Parent – Is punishment a right way of parenting?

Shalini – Positive reinforcements rather that punishment should be your approach. Labelling positive behaviour rather than reprimanding negative behaviour works better.

Parent – Do kids understand why we are angry at them?  What’s Time-out technique to disciple children?

Shalini – Labelling the cause for why your are upset rather than just the fact that you are angry will help the child understand the cause. Rather than the time-out technique, we recommend calming zones where the child can divert his pent up energies using squeezy balls or similar calming tools.

Parent – When to be firm and when to go easy with my little one?

Shalini – Be consistent and continue to be firm with the boundaries you’ve set. You should model the behaviour you expect from your child.

Parent – Whenever I say no to my child for anything, my child starts creating a tantrum. But then my husband agrees and gives him what he wants. I am unable make understand both of them.

Shalini – Both parents need to work together and set some ground rules. Ignoring the tantrum rather than giving in should be the approach. You should reinforce that you will listen to child once he/she calms down and not while they are throwing the tantrum.

Parent – My child is hyperactive and always finding ways to get in trouble. How do I control his nervous energy would rules help?

Shalini- Involve him in outdoor games and activities to channelize his energy. Engage him with Lego’s, blocks etc at home to keep him busy for longer. As parents you should be involved in these activities as well so that your child develops an interest in these.

Parent – My three year old takes his toys, plays for a bit and then another toy. He does not pick them up and keep in place. I have told him that we need to pick and keep clean. I’ve told him if he doesn’t I will have to take the toy away. Which I have also done. He doesn’t care. He plays with something else. Like kitchen utensils. How do I inculcate this habit of picking toys up?

Shalini – Instead of telling your child, you should model by picking up the toys and encouraging him to pick up the toys with you before he leaves the area. Over a period of time as you practise this you child too will start picking up his toys after playtime is over.

Parent- It is true that the children who have strict parents end up being a bully in school.

Shalini – Children pick up behaviour of those closest to them, especially parents. It is therefore important to model the right behaviour. It is equally important to give children the right to express their views and accepting and respecting them using your discretion.

Parent – “My son, who’s two and a half, has tantrums at the supermarket. He hurls himself on the floor, screaming. How can I control him?”

Shalini – Ignoring the tantrum rather than giving in should be the approach. You should reinforce that you will listen to child once he/she calms down and not while they are throwing the tantrum.

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