I am Shweta, a mum toftwo boys 8 and 4. Somewhere after having the second one I had let go of few things in life. And it was like my parenting was on auto-pilot mode. So here I am trying to share something about my parenthood challenges.
Today I want to share the very beginning of my parenting journey. I think a lot of what I am today is because of how I started. I had just moved from New York back to Mumbai when I got pregnant with my first son. In New York I had seen colleagues, friends delivering kids. Most of the stories I heard were about epidural, insane amount of pain, black outs, nausea, hospital rules totally unfair towards the mother. Back in India, my own sister had delivered both her sons through C-section. My cousin had her baby delivered through vacuum suction. My own mother in law had a traumatic birth story when my husband was born. It was a forcep delivery after a very long labour and she couldn’t sit normally till 6 months after birth. Everywhere I saw there were stories of struggle and pain.
I was not ready to believe that this is the way God intended humans to have babies. My dad is a doctor so all my growing up years I had immense faith in doctors and medicines. But when I was pregnant my faith in the modern medical ways of delivering a baby was completely shaken. I was all of 25 years old a first time pregnant woman with no one to look upto. But it is true that when you want something the whole universe conspires to bring it to you. Within few days I chanced upon an article in TOI about Hypno birthing. and it changed the way I thought of birth and my body and pregnancy and babies in general. It was truly a life-altering moment.
My husband immediately ordered Marie Mongan’s book on Hypno Birthing from US (now its easily available in India). HypnoBirthing is a method of birthing that is relaxing, rewarding and stress free allowing babies to be born into this world in a calm, gentle and joyous way. It is based on the belief that when a woman trusts in her birthing body and is properly prepared severe discomfort does not naturally need to be a part of the birthing process.
While going through their website I found one of their hypno birthing practitioners lived a stone’s throw away from my home. I met wonderful Kasia who was a yoga instructor, a doula and a hypno birth specialist among other things. I started my pre-natal yoga with her. And later the 5 weeks hypno birthing course with my husband. We were lucky to have four best instructors at that time. Those few hours every Friday we spent as a couple expecting our first child with these amazing women were the most defining moments of my birth story. They changed the entire mind-set. Those ridiculous myths that we have been told for years were busted. and I was very calm and confident about giving birth.
My first birthing experience
My water broke at 3ish in the morning. One of the things I had come to understand was if yours is a low-risk pregnancy its better to reach the hospital later than early. That gives them less chance of intervening. So i went right back to sleep. Except it wasnt easy coz literally water was flowing out and you cant make it stop. So after several visits to the loo i decided to wake up my mom. We then went to the hospital at 4.30 am. by which time i could feel the surges. Now i was sort of fighting against the system. So i strictly refused to let them put a needle for IV in case i go for a C-sec. I just told them i wont. My parents were terrified that i was being so stubborn but they didnt say anything. Of course they did give me an enema coz i was too wary of fighting. i just needed to be left alone so i could keep calm n focus on my affirmations. I had expect i would birth around 10am I don’t know but i had given myself that time. So i was asking for my i-pod being setup meanwhile going thru my affirmations and breathing. Also i was taking whichever position i felt comfortable in. this is when they called me to the “labour room” and said im well on my way of birthing. WAIT WHAT?? Where is my husband i screamed. It was 6am. the doctor was being called. Luckily husband reached in next fifteen minutes. I had never been happier to see his face. I knew he would fight for me now and i can just shut myself and go to my deep place and communicate with my baby.And we did. Arav and I were having our own conversation and at 6.34 am he was birthed. It was amazing and a big relief. But if the birth went smooth the after-birth scenario was different. I was given an epsiotomy which i had specifically refused and for which husband fought too but i was too into the process to protest then. I don’t know if it was that or i just had the tendency to bleed but it took good 30 minutes for my uterus to contact and for stitches to be given. Honestly that was such a downer. And later we struggled with breastfeeding for about 10 days. The PND (post natal depression) was coming quick and heavy but somehow we tided through. and by we i mean Me and Arav. Dont think anyone else was ruffled by turn of events. So my perfect birth plan had some loose ends. but i more or less got through without too much interventions.
Few things I still remember from that book –
• Nature made women strong enough to carry babies. Do you think nature would not have given us enough strength or tools to deliver the babies on our own? It is ridiculous to think nature would have such a flaw in the process
• The meaning of the word obstetrician. It means “to stand and stare” That’s what a doctor’s role in the delivery process should be. To be there as a back up plan and intervene when needed. Not to orchestrate the whole birth, rather let the mother listen to her instincts.
• Some tribes in Africa don’t put any diapers around their kids. No cloth diapers no disposable. They just carry their babies in a cloth-sling. So one of the researchers asked them how they manage to not soil their clothes. The mothers simply giggled and said we know when they want to go. The researcher was baffled. This made the ladies even more surprised they said just like you know when to go you also know when your baby wants to go. In their minds mothers and babies were one entity.
• Affirmations can make anything possible. The language in the book is completely different. Labor pains are called surges. There is so much power in the words we use daily. I always believed in positive words but this book made it very real for me.
Even though it was a book about birthing I think it changed the way I looked at myself and my babies. It shaped the way I parent my children. All the things I chose to do later no bottles, no plastic, no medicines, less disposables etc was all because of this starting point.
In all these years I have tried to share this book with many pregnant women I met. I don’t know how much they got inspired. It is not about having a perfect birth it is about the journey. I feel there is very less positive voice especially when it comes to birthing and we need more and more women to hear that they can have a positive experience.
Thank you for reading
You can check my post here I have mentioned some people and groups which helped me with my birthing experience.
— Shweta Mayur Sankla —
Shweta is a mother who is passionate about babies, toddlers, kids and children of all shapes and sizes. She is especially empathetic to parents of young ones and loves working with them. She is a CPA and worked as a tax accountant before she found her true calling which is singing and dancing with her kids. When she’s not entertaining them she can be found making up silly songs in her Musical Bonding class.